Saturday, 17 May 1986: “I’m Not a Racialist but…” – An Unpleasant Dinner Conversation
May 21, Home of Melvin (Jack) & Eileen, Kimberly, Cape Province
How I spent last
Saturday night – BORING – but if I had to sit through it then you have to read
about it. I was still in Bloemfontein
and had dinner with Keith and Margaret.
Keith is a Rotarian and I got his name from a Rotarian in Denver who
stayed with them about a year ago. I’d
guess that they are in their late 50s to early 60s. They are English speakers and live in a
3-bedroom condo which they own. Keith is
in the lighting business. We were joined
by Helen who was probably in her 70s. At
the end of the evening, I learned that her husband had died about a week
earlier. Outwardly, Helen seemed in good
spirits, but you know the English and their stiff upper lips.
Once again I was treated to gracious South African hospitality. Dinner was roast lamb with a delicious mint sauce. Margaret did it all herself. She is probably the first relatively affluent South African I’ve met that doesn’t have a maid – she hasn’t had one for about six years. Margaret explained that maids never seem to show up on time. You expect them at 7:30 and they don’t arrive until 9:30. By then, you have wasted half your morning waiting for them. She said that black women frequently knock on her door looking for work, but she turns them away.
Twice Margaret asked me what I think of “their” blacks. I told her I haven’t really been able to form an opinion yet since I’ve had so little contact with them. I’ve had difficulty communicating with blacks but have encountered no hostility. Of course, this was a loaded question that I frequently get from white South Africans. What they seem to really want to say is that South African blacks aren’t as bright, ambitious, etc. as American blacks like Dr. Huxtable played by Bill Cosby on TV. Margaret was quick to point out that, “Your Negroes speak English to each other. You can actually understand them.” Funny how many white South Africans still refer to American blacks as Negroes. Seems they haven’t heard that “Negro” went out of style about 15 years ago. Margaret mentioned that when she visited the U.S. a few years ago, she swam in a hotel pool. There was a Negro family in the pool, and this was the first time she had ever been in a pool with black people (Wow, I’ll bet she was amazed she didn’t pick up cooties or a venereal disease.)
And, of course, Keith ad Margaret just couldn’t resist pointing out how long it had taken the U.S. to take care of our racial problems, and now we want South Africans to take care of theirs overnight. I keep hearing this same tiresome stuff again and again from white South Africans – now you see why I said it was a boring evening.
As I’ve pointed out before, I generally don’t bring up the subject of race relations in conversations with people who have fixed me dinner, provided transport, or done some other kindness for me. I don’t need to – my white hosts invariably do. I get the impression that some of these folks invite me to dinner so I can be their captive for a couple hours while they instruct me about the “real” situation in their country. The noted economist, Milton Friedman, is said to have coined the expression, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.” Well, Professor Friedman, I’m learning that there’s no such thing as a free dinner, either!
Keith mentioned that a number of white schools in the country are closing. He attributed this to declining birth rates among whites. However, black family sizes continue to be larger so the percentage of whites in South Africa is going to become smaller and smaller in the coming years. Thus, the country will have to increasingly rely on black labor, black soldiers, and black police. How will the country deal economically, socially, and politically with twice as many blacks a generation from now? And along with the racial disparity in births, he acknowledged that there is a large exodus of young whites from the country.
Keith spoke about Christian Brothers College (CBC), a private Catholic high school in Kimberly (where I’m now staying). Although not Catholic, Keith had attended there years ago and had been the “head boy” (roughly equivalent to the class president). He felt it was a good school at the time but now that was changing. “I’m not a racialist [the South African term for “racist”] but…” [a favorite prefix for racially-loaded statements here]. Keith followed this declaration with an explanation that CBC is now admitting Greeks, Jews, kaffirs (niggers), and Chinese. His tone of voice indicated that this was not a favorable development.
Just before I left,
Keith said they were lucky that the blacks in South Africa were killing each
other or the whites would have been wiped out years ago. You might excuse Keith by noting that you
would hear worse in a “red-neck” bar in Alabama or some white ethnic
neighborhoods in Chicago. But you’d
think these people would be tone down their statements a bit while talking to
an American writer. I get the sense that
they genuinely believe their own bullshit and hope I will as well.
In summary, I don’t think Margaret and Keith are out to lynch blacks, but they show a lack of sensitivity to people with different cultural backgrounds. Societal change is to be feared and resisted, not adapted to. This is a consistent pattern that is beginning to emerge after six weeks of talking with white South Africans. For me, it’s sad that these people don’t really understand their societal challenges in a way that will enable them to deal with them constructively. They keep spewing out a smoke screen they think that visitors like me and the world in general are going to buy into. Sure, the situation here is terribly complex and difficult for them but they are unwilling to fully admit present and past injustices and a need for change. They lack the objectively and sociological perspective to be honest with me and, more importantly, with themselves. It’s a way of thinking they’ve inherited from their parents and grandparents and it’s not going to die easily.
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